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a loss of control

"You are a child of the devil and an enemy of everything that is right! You are full of all kinds of deceit and trickery. Will you never stop perverting the right ways of the Lord?" Acts 13:10

"He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning." 1 John 3:8

The restaurant I wait tables at is really small, so the people that work there (dishwashers, cooks, servers) are in close contact all the time. This is where I met Javier and Octavio.

Javier and Octavio are brothers who ran across the border from Mexico less than a year ago. Javier is 17, and Octavio is 15. They live in an apartment with a man who I'm guessing is about 35, and they pay their own rent and all other living expenses. They both have two jobs, working constantly, and most of their money they send home to Mexico. Neither of them speaks English, but is taking classes to learn and have an encouraging zeal for life. It has been a blessing being around them at work and spending time getting to know them. Unfortunately they don't know the Lord, hopefully that will change. I would have to say they were probably raised Catholic, or have definitely been exposed to Catholicism, as most Latinos are. Regardless of their faith, they are both so young, and if I were to compare them to someone of the same age born and raised here in the States, WOW!... what more can I say?

Jose is the sues chef at the restaurant and has led a rough life. He has been involved in gangs in L.A., has been married three times and I'm not even sure how many children he has, I just know there are quite a few. He calls in late for work quite often, being hung-over or still drunk. Less than a month ago he was locked up for a weekend, for reasons unbeknownst to us. Jose would claim to be Catholic, but he definitely isn't a practicing one, or he has been shepherded horribly and fed some majorly wrong doctrine. So why the background on these three people?

In Mexican culture, there is still a large emphasis on young people respecting those older than them. Javier and Octavio, being kids, like to goof around at work and play games. They will sneak up behind someone and scare them, throw a piece of food, or for example, I've had personal items end up in the freezer, things of that nature. By no means is their playing excessive or out of control, they work hard when it is time to work, and play when there is time to play. Last Friday things got out of control though.

Javier was doing his job and Jose tried to take over. I've been told there has been tension between the two of them before and it has escalated into shouting, but nothing further. The same thing happened Friday when Jose tried to take over Javier’s job (of scooping ice cream nonetheless). The shouting turned into shoving but was brought to a stop because Ozzy (the busser) was there and kept yelling at them to knock it off. Without a doubt though, tension had been created. Jose went to his car and got a 7 inch blade and told Ozzy that he was going to cut them #$#@@##, as they were dis-respecting him.

The boys left to go home, but on their way, as they passed by a set of windows you can see the kitchen from, they stopped to taunt Jose just a little more. Big mistake. Jose went outside, pulled the knife and started swinging it around trying to get someone, and yes, he made contact with Javier. The knife sliced a decent sized cut into Javier’s right wrist producing a good amount of blood. From there my information ceases, and I don't know what happened next. All I know is that when I showed up for work on Saturday, Javier had a still bleeding cut on his wrist and a look of fear in his entire face that would have been obvious to anyone. The tension in the kitchen that day was ridiculous, as Jose and Javier were forced to work side by side.

Of course, there's the question as to why Jose wasn't fired, but that's neither what I'm asking or answering here. I propose this, what is that loss of temper? That flying off of the handle? That loss of control? How many times have you heard a friend innocently say, "I just got too drunk and lost control." Here's the one that drives my point home, if you have lost control, then who is in control?

Jesus said to them, "If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and now am here. I have not come on my own; but he sent me. Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don't you believe me? He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God." John 8:42-47

Hopefully, so far, all the answers are obvious. But I have some more questions now, ones harder to find the answer to. At what point is control lost? Why does Peter say in his first epistle "Be self-controlled and alert? Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." Why does self-control play a part in that command? I have one more question, and then I must go. Can a Christian be taken under control by the devil to do his will?

caffeine jitters

I don't drink caffeine very often, for various reasons, regardless, soda doesn't have that big of an effect on me, regular coffee, I can feel that, a triple shot grande caramel machiatto, now that will definitely mess me up. It has been a while since I have done that, I realized the err in my ways shall we say.

So life sometimes feels like a continuous case of caffeine jitters. I get going, one job to the next, to school, home, another job, church, etc., etc., etc... I really don't mind being busy, sure a little more sleep might be helpful, and Lord knows I could definitely use more time simply at His feet, but all in all my schedule amazingly allows me to accomplish a lot. Praise the Lord for that. It is when I get going and feel like I am racing around from one thing to the next, that's what I don't like.

Things are going well, and thankfully I have been getting down time, some of it being in the water surfing. I'm still horrible and I get tired quick, but I see improvement coming. That's beside the point though, it is being out in the water that matters to me. Everytime I get out I feel like my life has slowed down a bit. It's a great time with Jesus, and that is surely the reason why it is great at all. I can see how people worship such a thing as surfing and how sad it is. I know I must beware not to let such things become idols in my life. I have been finding lately that insecurity leads to idolatry. Worship lifts something up, which in essence rightly places us below something. When I lift up the Lord, worshiping Him, all is well. When I lift up other things, seeking to find satisfaction or a sense of belonging, I belittle myself, worshiping the created and not the creator. The world worships things, objects. I can not let my identity be wrapped up in those things at all. I must be associated with Christ and Christ alone. I must lose all hope in the world and worldly people, including worldly Christians, I must die unto myself and let Jesus give me life. Lord let it be so...

Here are some more pictures I took down at Swamis the other day. Bon voyage.

the mess of it all

I am stealing a quote from my friend James' blog, he posted it only a couple of days ago, but it is extremely relevant to what I want to say. Thomas Merton writes

We are living in the greatest revolution in history-a huge spontaneous upheaval of the entire human race: not the revolution planned and carried out by any particular party, race, or nation, but a deep elemental boiling over of all the inner contradictions that have ever been in man, a revelation of the chaotic forces inside everybody. This is not something we have chosen, nor is it something we are free to avoid.

This revolution is a profound spiritual crisis of the whole world, manifested largely in desperation, cynicism, violence, conflict, self-contradiction, ambivalence, fear and hope, doubt and belief, creation and destructiveness, progress and regression, obsessive attachment to images, idols, slogans, programs that only dull the general anguish for a moment until it bursts out everywhere in a still more acute and terrifying form. We do not know if we are building a fabulously wonderful world or destroying all that we have ever had, all that we have achieved! All the inner force of man is boiling and bursting out, the good together with the evil, the good poisoned by evil and fighting it, the evil pretending to be good and revealing itself in the most dreadful crimes, justified and rationalized by the purest and most innocent intentions.

- (Conjectures of a Guilty By-Stander) pg. 54-55

The vacation to the Grand Canyon was awesome, but of course we went and did something to bring us back to reality, or rather the Lord brought us back to reality, and rather abruptly. We stopped in Vegas on the way back from Zion so we could grab one of those famous buffets, and wow, what a shock. We went from one extreme to the polar opposite in about two hours. We were surrounded by God's glorious creation one minute, and the next, by the epitome of man's vile outworkings, Sin City. As the billboard trucks drove by with nearly naked women on them, tears actually welled up in my eyes. It was culture shock in all that it has to offer. That was on the large scale.

On the small scale, I was just hanging out with this man from my vocal class whose name is Mr. Bush. Mr. Bush is over 80 years old, I'm not sure by how much, but he is certainly a man of God and the Lord has richly blessed me by bringing him into my life. I went to his home to help with some singing and we ended up talking most of the time. Ironically, he is alumni of Moody and Wheaton, so it has been fun hearing his stories. Eventually we talked about some issues he has, and one of them is financial problems. He has lost the majority of his sight and so had a caregiver move in to help him. Not only was this lady a sexual seductress and tried to lure him away from the Lord in that way, but she also emptied all of his savings accounts. She didn't steal, per se, but through cunning tactics was able to con Mr. Bush into helping her with her financial "problems." Where did Mr. Bush meet this lady? The church... Oh, our dying world and the church that is supposed to bring salt to preserve and heal.

Lord how long will you tarry? Yet thank-You for Your patience, not wanting men to perish, but to have eternal life. Please send workers into the harvest.

Mr. Bush takes things like all should, with trust in God, and humor. He says, "I had a care-giver, but she required more care than I could give her, so I had to let her go." Ha, and amen.