may flowers

"April showers bring May flowers." (I wonder if Noah said it first :)

"Some unpleasant occurrences bring about better things." (as quoted from the New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy explaining this saying)

I don't know that I like this saying anymore, April showers and May flowers. There is the implied notion that good flowers can only come as a result of bad showers. But logically, the good flower couldn't exist without the bad shower, and so the shower can't be bad at all. The shower is absolutely necessary for the beautiful flower to exist. And what more, how long does a flower last? What is the total preparation required for that moment of fleeting beauty? Many showers, sunshine, good dirt, no frost, an Elmer Fudd to shoot rascally rabbits, etc., etc., etc.... ... ... ... ... Hmm... ... ... ... ..."Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5...

Someone said the other day, and I found much comfort in him saying this, "What if God's plan for life includes failure?" Look around in our society, in every area of our society, whether it be business, personal, or even spiritual, and ask, what is it that we lift up, and look up to? Clearly the answer is success. I was in Barnes and Noble the other day and in the religious section the cover of every book had the same person on it. Of course not literally, but why must they all be young (or old but youthful, you know, no wrinkles), handsome and beautiful, obviously chosen to represent something the book is trying to sell. And then read the cover. I wonder how many different "creative" ways we have written, "How to make your life better?" Are there marketing teams out there in a thinking box being paid to conjure up these things? I use the word conjure intentionally, driving towards the true motivator behind this wretched shift in Christian thought. Think about it, what has Christ's command of discipleship been reduced too? Self-help, self-preservation, self-glorification... When we realize this, what is our reaction? What would Jesus Himself have thought? We should be sick to our stomachs, tearing our clothes and dousing ourselves with ashes... Was Paul a failure in jail? Was Stephen's sermon that resulted in stoning a failure? Was John the Baptist's ministry a failure when he was beheaded? Are we not called to carry a cross and die? Was Jesus' death on the cross seen as a failure? Yes! But was it? NO! We must begin to seek out the mind of Christ, the will of God. The world and its influence has taken its toll on us, and we must return to the call of Christ. The real Christ, not a conjured Christ. Oh God, may it be so. May we seek you, know you, love you, and serve you, and all for your glory. By your grace...

going crazy

"And when his family heard it, they went out to seize him, for they were saying, 'He is out of his mind.'" Mark 3:21


"They who go on with vigour and zeal in the work of God, must expect to meet with hindrances, both from the groundless disaffection of their enemies, and the mistaken affections of their friends, and they have need to stand upon their guard against both." -Matthew Henry


Oh God, Master and Lord, may I, may we, let go of our dreams and expectations and fully live for Your glory, regardless of cost.

election

And I quote:

After giving a brief survey of the doctrines of grace, I asked for questions. One lady, in particular, was troubled. She said,

"This is the most awful thing I've ever heard! You make it sound as if God is intentionally turning away men who would be saved, receiving only the elect!"

I answered her in this vein:

"You misunderstand the situation. You're visualizing that God is standing at the door of Heaven, and men are thronging to get in that door. And God says to various ones, 'Yes, you may come, but not you, or you, or you—yes, you may come, and you, and you, but not you, etc.' The situation is hardly this! Rather, God stands at the door of Heaven with His arms outstretched, inviting all to come. Yet all men without exception are running in the opposite direction towards Hell as hard as they can go. So God, in election, graciously reaches out and stops this one, and that one, and this one over here, and that one over there, and effectually draws them to Himself by changing their hearts, making them willing to come. Election keeps no one out of Heaven who would otherwise have been there, but it keeps a whole multitude of folks out of Hell who would otherwise have been there! Were it not for election, Heaven would be an empty place, and Hell would be bursting at the seams!"

...If you perish in Hell, blame yourself, as it's entirely your fault. But should you make Heaven, blame God, for it's entirely His fault! To Him alone belongs all the praise and glory!

- Mark Webb

shade tree

suddenly startled, I don't know how it can be
I thought I was there
resting, smiling
underneath a shade tree

the path I walked, leading me straight
clear, so I thought
but fog came on my way

and so into the dark, that cold, cold night
I walked, as I was blind


frail to burn


perfectly, just, when I was forever lost
the sun arose, and I saw

alone in a field, a tree had grown
beautiful, I knew
to sit, nowhere else to go

full circuit to beginning, surprised I now can see
I am finally found
resting and smiling
under the only shade tree





psss.... I engineered the poem in a specific way, try to find out how...

from dust

It is filthily ironic...

We detest being dirty,

yet are composed of dirt.

FINALLY!!!

That's right, I figured out what I'm doing for the rest of my life. Whoo Hoo! This picture was taken a while ago now, I was attempting to look like a homeless man (a little social experiment I was doing), and I'm pretty sure I pulled it off. Many a person told me that I was starting to resemble a bum. It's funny how people cautiously approach the subject of appearance, well some people at least. One of those who was not so cautious was a professor of mine at school, Dr. Chase. Dr. Chase is an older man, with grey hair and a grey beard (I guess it's ok to have a beard in our clean cut society, IF it's grey), he's been around a while and one of the most candid people I've met :)

I had a good talk with Dr. Chase a while back (when I had the beard of course) and we were discussing life, when he started to give me advice on finding a direction. I just sat and listened, and wasn't too engaged in the conversation until he says this, and I quote:

"You're just a 30 year old dude with a beard and no bachelor's degree. If you are ever going to make some serious money your going to have to do something illegal."

So yup, I know what's going down, or rather, what career path I'm going down now (after all this time!)... that of lucrative criminal activity. Clearly!

Oh, of course he was joking, but at the same time, there was a certain sense of despair in his tone... He thinks my life will amount to nothing unless I acheive certain things. I cry for him, and cry out for him, knowing his life will amount to nothing if those things are what he values. So what is important in life? And how meaningless are those things we typically see as being important? What if, and this is a huge if, one that requires true death to self, what if we started to care about the things that Christ cared about? How would our strivings look at that point? I'm a failure at this. I get wrapped up in trying to be something, for someone, or to get somewhere, and then when I get lost and fail along the way anyway, I somehow have the audacity to wonder where I went wrong... God help us.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14

destitute

you clamor
too
soar through the clouds
high above
looking round
life
is death
found
here you
fly in fear
wait in tears
bound
down
a black mine waits
cold and dark
sealed to tight
each
without
light
black
cold
dark
deaths hold
night
sight
you clamor
to

ameliorating

"Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation." 2Cor6:2

God is making things better. Period. And sometimes I don't see it. Actually, most of the time I don't see it. And I'm learning to understand that I am just looking through the wrong pair of lenses.

"Our hearts ache, but we always have joy." 2Cor6:10

I want the world to change, but is it God's plan? I want my life to change, but is it God's plan? It is certainly safe to say that God desires change, but is it the same change as I desire, that's the question. My heart longs for peace, for joy, but I think the vast majority of the time it is not what God has planned for me, and it is not what God has planned for all of those professing a belief in Christ. Certainly God desires us to live in peace and joy, but I'm learning to understand that God's definition of peace and joy is far different from the natural man's definition. In the letter written by James he admonishes those who will read it to not show partiality based upon someone's status quo, and this too is not what the natural man's first instinct is. Argh!, dumb natural instinct! So in every way I am learning, slowly, but learning, that I am screwed up from the core, all of me, all of my thoughts, and that only by the illumination and empowerment of the Spirit of God will I see and act in a way that is right and true. Oh, and I've known this, but I am also learning that I will always be relearning this. Learning to relearn, aching with joy...

freaky bones

Went to the orthopedic office the other day, for the fourth time, and my wrist is still broke. The Doc did say I could go without the cast, for some reason... he is the doctor though so I believed him. I took a picture of my x-ray and its the scaphoid bone (click for more info). Umm, yeah, the big crack is still there, after 12 weeks. No wonder it hurt so bad, ARGHH!!!

And on a similar note, I'm considering a career change. I think I will become a doctor myself... You see, there's this racketeering industry where you're allowed to charge people $40 a minute for work, and I simply don't think that's bad pay. When I first went to the emergency room to get my arm checked out, 10 minutes of time with ole' doctor, $400 bill = $40 a minute. Not bad. And then I've been battling a sinus infection too, so finally went to the "community" clinic to get some help there. Two hours in the waiting room, 1 minute with the doctor (really!, I timed it), $100 bill = $100 a minute. WHAT?!?! That's right, I'm going to become an extortionist, oh wait, I mean healthcare professional here to serve the sick and dying. ARGHH!!!

acribed to God

One week-night, when I was sitting in the house of God, I was not thinking much about the preacher’s sermon, for I did not believe it. The thought struck me, How did you come to be a Christian? I sought the Lord. But how did you come to seek the Lord? The truth flashed across my mind in a moment—I should not have sought him unless there had been some previous influence in my mind to make me seek him. I prayed, thought I, but then I asked myself, How came I to pray? I was induced to pray by reading the Scriptures. How came I to read the Scriptures? I did read them, but what led me to do so? Then, in a moment, I saw that God was at the bottom of it all, and that he was the Author of my faith, and so the whole doctrine of grace opened up to me, and from that doctrine I have not departed to this day, and I desire to make this my constant confession, “I ascribe my change wholly to God.”

-Charles Haddon Spurgeon

without

in the absence of presence
nonsense will always commence
this fraudulent insolence
is an eternal offense
but
the facts insist
that even with
Him standing there
we wouldn't care
and
this
is
sad

mad

that
we
are
bad
inimically whimsical
identically elenctical
intrinsically diabolical
idiosyncratically fanatical
alas
there making a futile stand
in chosen land hand in hand
a united lonesome band
forever stands in red sand

quentin wesley edwards

a little tribute to the little guy that is always smiling...

a day late...

So... chillin' with a friend last night (whose name will remain unknown to protect his future love life :-) and he starts ranting about Valentines Day and how ridiculous it is (I tend to agree with him, and if it affects my love life, oh well I guess). He was sayin' that it is absurd how people buy into this marketing scam and pining single women even go out in groups so they can feel better about their lives.

The thing is, we all struggle with loneliness, and to the extent a man can, I feel their pain, but come on, deal with it in a better way. Anyway... all this to pave the way so I can quote my unnamed friend:

"No woman is entitled to be taken out on Valentines Day, it's not like homeless people and a Christmas meal."

Ha Ha, funny funny.

true love

Languishing from this earth, this age
Overwhelming this loss can be,
Vanquishing in the end
Everlasting it will grow through eternity

Thankfully there exists an act, a gift
Requiring death from he and she,
Unequal in nature and power
Everlasting it will grow through eternity

Transcendent
Radiant
Ubiquitous and
Eloquent

true love

Legitimatizes
Obsolescence and
Vitality
Emblazes

tran·scend·ent /trænˈsɛndənt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[tran-sen-duhnt]

1.	going beyond ordinary limits; surpassing; exceeding.

2.	superior or supreme.

ra·di·ant /ˈreɪdiənt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[rey-dee-uhnt]

1.	emitting rays of light; shining; bright.

2.	bright with joy, hope, etc.

u·biq·ui·tous /yuˈbɪkwɪtəs/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[yoo-bik-wi-tuhs]

1.	existing or being everywhere, esp. at the same time; omnipresent

el·o·quent /ˈɛləkwənt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[el-uh-kwuhnt]

1.	having or exercising the power of fluent, forceful, and appropriate speech.

2.	characterized by forceful and appropriate expression.

3.	movingly expressive.

le·git·i·mate /adj., n. lɪˈdʒɪtəmɪt; v. lɪˈdʒɪtəˌmeɪt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[v. li-jit-uh-meyt]

9.	to make lawful or legal; pronounce or state as lawful

10.	to establish as lawfully born

11.	to show or declare to be legitimate or proper.

12.	to justify; sanction or authorize.

ob·so·lete /ˌɒbsəˈlit, ˈɒbsəˌlit/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ob-suh-leet, ob-suh-leet]

1.	no longer in use; no longer useful.

2.	of a discarded or outmoded type; out of date.

3.	effaced by wearing down or away.

vi·tal·i·ty /vaɪˈtælɪti/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[vahy-tal-i-tee]

1.	exuberant physical strength or mental vigor.

2.	capacity for survival or for the continuation of a meaningful or purposeful existence.

3.	power to live or grow.

em·blaze /ɛmˈbleɪz/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[em-bleyz]

1.	to illuminate, as by a blaze.

2.	to kindle.

3.	to set on fire.

4.	to cause to grow; light up.

mr. nielsen

This is my old roommate Dave, photo by another old roommate, Brian. Ahh, they're so funny. Click this picture to see more of this madness...

Yes, I did volunteer to help Brian out with his next shoot, but there is no way I will be nearly as impressive as Dave. And I by no means chose the best photo of Dave for you here, you'll have to look and decide for yourself...

updated feb 20th: Brian posted my pictures too. yikes, i need a haircut :)

let's talk about sex, baby...

"That which has been is that which will be, and that which has been done is that which will be done. So there is nothing new which is under the sun." Ecclesisastes 1:9

I spent Friday night at a pre-conference meeting for the upcoming Passion for Purity Youth Conference here in San Diego. This "gala" as they called it was intriguing in and of itself (an entirely different subject and story for a different time), but what it really did was rekindle an old spark that ironically you might call a passion of mine, and that being purity. By spark I mean that it gave me an interest to do more research on the subject, and in many ways I'm not proud to say, but I've already read many a book on the subject, and am still wrestling with the notion of what it means to be pure in the area of sexuality...

"Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life." Proverbs 4:23

There is one thing that truly drives a person to despair, and that is a broken heart. I wish I had all the answers as this verse is one that is always running through my mind, especially since I attend a community college and am constantly surrounded by young men and women and their relational antics. But I don't believe this to be something new, I think it has always been a problem, and will continue to be a problem. It is easy to say, "Oh, how bad are things! Oh, wretched is the state of the world!" but look at the history of Sodom and Gomorrah, it is on page 15 of 1059 in one of my Bibles (henceforth, a long, long time ago). Imagine living in ancient Greece, I've heard some pretty licentious stories about their societal state. And here are some quotes that can be found:

"The world is passing through troublous times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress."

Peter the Hermit
in A.D. 1274


"I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise [disrespectful] and impatient of restraint"

Hesiod, 8th century BC


"The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority, they show disrespect to their elders.... They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and are tyrants over their teachers."

Attributed to Socrates by Plato

There is current debate over whether some of these quotes were actually spoken by their listed authors, but really, think about it, it's not hard at all to accept. Consider this, has the wretched depraved state of mankind's heart changed anytime over the course of history? I believe not. Therefore, the same way that Jesus said that we will always have the poor with us, we can know that we will always have the sexually immoral. Is this ok? No. But Can we have some sense of peace understanding these things? Yes

What then do we do about it, in our lives, for our children, for our future... we study, we pray, we fight...

I acquired this poem/prayer a while ago and... well... think about it... pray it even...

Lord, it's hard to know what sex really is----
Is it some demon put here to torment me?
Or some delicious seducer from reality?
It is neither of these, Lord.
I know what sex is---
It is body and spirit,
It is passion and tenderness,
It is strong embrace and gentle handholding,
It is open nakedness and hidden mystery,
It is joyful tears on honeymoon faces, and
It is tears on wrinkled faces at a golden wedding anniversary.
Sex is a quiet look across the room,
A love not on a pillow,
A rose laid on a breakfast plate
Laughter in the night.
Sex is life--not all of life--
But wrapped up in the meaning of life.
Sex is your good gift, O God,
To enrich life,
To continue the race,
To communicate,
To show me who I am,
To reveal my mate,
To cleanse through "one flesh."
Lord, some people say sex and religion don't mix.
But your Word says sex is good.
Help me to keep it good in my life.
Help me to be open about sex.
And still protect its mystery.
Help me to see that sex is neither demon nor deity.
Help me not to climb into a fantasy world
of imaginary sexual partners;
Keep me in the real world
To love the people you created.
Teach me that my soul does not have to frown at sex.
It's hard for many people to say, "Thank God for sex!"
Because for them sex is more a problem than a gift.
They need to know that sex and gospel can be linked together again.
Show me how I can help them.
Thank you, Lord, for making me a sexual being,
Thank you for showing me how to treat others with trust and love.
Thank you for letting me talk to you about sex.
Thank you that I feel free to say:
"Thank God for sex."

Prayer by Harry Hollis Jr.

ladd

Important:

"We pray, 'Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.' The confidence that this prayer is to be answered when God brings human history to the divinely ordained consummation enables the Christian to retain his balance and sanity of mind in this mad world in which we live. Our hearts go out to those who have no such hope. Thank God, His Kingdom is coming, and it will fill all the earth."

- George Eldon Ladd

Less Important:

Went to Michigan last weekend, this is going from the airport:

this is going to the airport:

...it was cold...

everyones bluff...

sax alive, live to die
sometime, why
Q begins, begin to end
because, when

smooth to rough,
everyones bluff...

need trust, trust need
hearts bleed
there always, surgeon stands
open hands

smooth to rough,
everyones bluff...

star twinkling, twinkling star
wonders are
light blind, eyes wide
worlds collide

smooth to rough,
everyones bluff...

Q to Sax, Sax to Q
Wesley through
one red, one gray
a walk away

smooth to rough,
everyones bluff...

beech feet

praise be to God that I live so close to the beach... I mean it's January... last Saturday I had some free time and was able to spend some time meditating and marveling in God's glorious creation... ahhhh...

to the death

"Religion is not meant to give you hope, it is meant to kill you so Christ can live in you."

- Tim Cain

resolute?

Question: What's the purpose of a faith that is exchangeable, interchangeable, rearrangeable?....

Otra pregunta: Why do people have religion as part of their life? Especially in cases such as the one below (last post) where one would think that just letting go of said system of beliefs would make life, marriage, raising kids, etc. easier.

Prop 390 (vote yes!): People need that sense of security, or eternal security, assurance, or shall I say in cliché fashion 'life insurance' in order to have a peace about them.

Problem: The purpose of all religion is something bigger than oneself, thus conforming to its way of life. If this is not the case, then it is nothing. Here's the breakdown: if man creates the constituents, it's no different than him saying "I am god." Yes, there are some belief systems that allow this thought, but come on, that's just scary. Anyone who is honest with themself knows the condition of their heart, and God we humans are not. (of course there are religions that explain this too, but sadly these explanations can only bring temporary peace, requiring a cyclical lifestyle that offers no attainable escape)

Solution: God and His revelation. Seek it.

chew on it...

I promised randomness on this here blog...

Think about this excerpt I pulled from an MSN article:

Growing numbers of interfaith couples, with the help of support organizations, networks, therapists, and even clergy, are successfully fashioning marriages that incorporate faith, whether that means one partner converting, each remaining with his or her religion of origin, or both embracing a new, blended belief.

Eve Edwards, 34, of McLean, Virginia, found such a compromise. An observant Jew, she had always wanted to share her beliefs with the Roman Catholic college sweetheart she married at 25. Neither spouse ever considered giving up his or her religion. Instead, after much discussion and soul searching the couple chose to raise their children in both faiths.

"We celebrate Easter and Passover, Christmas and Hanukkah," says Edwards. "We tell our children, 'Mommy's Jewish and Daddy's Catholic, and you are Jewish and Catholic.' We tell them that different people envision God differently and different people take different paths. But in the end all paths lead to God." Edwards acknowledges that their family life would have been simpler had she and her husband agreed on one faith from the outset. But the process of deciding how to practice their faiths and what to teach their children, she says, "has given us one more way to share."

simple things

More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privelege to have the time to practice this simply Ministry of Presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around some urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly toward social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn't be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do simply like them, but you truly love them.

- Henry Nowen