deeply superficial

fick‧le [fik-uhl]
–adjective
1. likely to change, esp. due to caprice, irresolution, or instability; casually changeable: fickle weather.
2. not constant or loyal in affections: a fickle lover.

[Origin: bef. 1000; ME fikel, OE ficol deceitful, akin to fācen treachery, fician to deceive, gefic deception]

"How well you direct your course to seek love! So that even to wicked women you have taught your ways. Also on your skirts is found the lifeblood of the guiltless poor; you did not find them breaking in. Yet in spite of all these things you say, 'I am innocent; surely his anger has turned from me.' Behold, I will bring you to judgment for saying, 'I have not sinned.' How much you go about, changing your way! You shall be put to shame by Egypt as you were put to shame by Assyria. From it too you will come away with your hands on your head, for the LORD has rejected those in whom you trust, and you will not prosper by them."

Jeremiah 2:33-37

"How much you go about, changing your way!" A week ago I finished a book by an "emerging church" pastor, and in many ways it was a good book, but in many ways it was a horrible book. It has taken a while to digest everything, but like another book I read along the same vein of thinking, I wanted to walk away, smoke a cigar, drink a six pack, and call it new life. Depressing. The visible theme is attractive and even desirable, playing on truths that anyones heart cries out to be declared; but the underlying theme, the mode of thinking which runs its course through the entire book is basically this: "Somewhere in you is the you whom you were made to be. We need you to be you. We don't need a second anybody. We need the first you." It is subtle, and the quote that I am taking could be a reference to actual truths, but the development of the thought is not complete, it is ambiguous and vague, and this is where it leaves the reader. A glimmer of hope, but there is no actual resolution. This is typical of the postmodern world we live in, I mean, are there any absolutes? They would say "absolutely not!" absolutely. Hmm...

Then there is reality, the reality that I daily must face, a physically, emotionally, spiritually hard reality, the one I have spent my entire life trying to escape. I am learning what it means to trust like a child. Christian. I am learning what it means to be married. Christian. I am learning how the beautiful world around us and the manner in which God created all things is a purposeful stereotype of the spiritual world that I do not daily see. Christian. I am learning that I am fickle. Sadly, generally, Christian. I am learning what submission means. Christian. I am learning to love God and my neighbor unconditionally... and it is all very, very hard. Christian. The process of transformation makes me wonder if the catepillar metamorphosing into a butterfly goes through similar pains. How hideous the start, such an extreme change, and oh how absolutely beautiful the finished product. Christian.

Thus says the LORD: "Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the LORD. He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream,and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green,and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit." The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? "I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds."

Jeremiah 17:5-10

Oh, how fickle, how ironically, deeply superficial am I, have I always been. I'm just one of those children I guess, the kind every parent dreads (that makes me laugh, because it is so true). All my life I have ran from submission. But God wants different.

God grant me repentance that I may joyfully submit to Your church, to You, regardless of doubts and fears. Change my heart that is so inclined toward evil. By the power of Your Spirit, in the name of Your Son, Jesus.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust...'" Psalm 91:1,2